well, it's been a hard week(end)...

Prep for the shower was a bit hectic, but everything was done and I think Becky had a good time. I had to dash out of the house to head to the event I've been dreading since I learned of Ismael's death. I came to handle the written messages, but seeing everyone in his family and the school friends would be rough. If you'll indulge me...

I walked across the lawn and the first faces I saw were Robby and Billy. None of us spoke, just gave each other a hug hello and headed indoors. Jordan and his mom, Nancy, came straight to the door and at that time I think I just started to block out the real reason we were all there. Nancy asked about the family and chastised me for not going to visit enough. Jordan asked how I was and, truthfully, I was much more concerned about him. I know he was torn up inside. I turned and saw a familiar and comforting face starting towards me. Blake had decided to come in after all. He, I and his dad talked for a while as we greeted others from our class that began to fill the foyer of the church.

I followed Jordan inside and sat with Billy and Robby. Blake and his dad joined us. I've been through this before with Robby and hate that he has to go through it again with a close friend. After all the time that's passed, he's the boy that could always make me laugh and kept things light. The entire thing was just too much, completely surreal. Blake and I sat there in a daze through the entire service. I couldn't make eye contact with Robby for fear of losing it completely. A pat on the leg and holding his arm was all I could do. We had all been through this once before, during our senior year, but that didn't make saying goodbye any easier.

It was a simple and fitting service. A book of recent photographs showed us what we had missed out on, and the old pictures from our time in school and trips we'd taken brought back memories of why we all felt the need to come back. I don't think Mimo knew how loved he was by everyone and that hurts the most. Although you couldn't call Texas his home anymore, it was obvious he carried a piece of home with him. All you had to do was look at his production company's name, Highway 114 Pictures. In recent photos, he still had that infectious smile and bit of swagger and arrogance that I found irritating to no end when I first met him...and truth be told, from third grade all the way through our college years. However, I knew that if I needed something and asked, he would give his all to help. He loved giving friends a hard time, always knowing that he'd come through in the end. I don't like knowing he'll no longer be around.